Should Pastors and Staff Join Small Groups? Navigating Guilt, Obligation, and Soul Care
Are small groups a non-negotiable for pastors and staff? This episode tackles the sensitive topic of staff participation, exploring how to foster genuine community while protecting your own soul. Guests Phyllis Kim Myung, a Lead Pastor in LA, and our very own Mike Crain join the conversation to unpack the nuance.
The Core Tension: Vulnerability for Leaders
Many leaders feel a tension about joining small groups, questioning if they can be truly vulnerable with congregants. This concern is valid, especially given the inherent power dynamics.
- A Key Insight: Phyllis shares, “I don’t think that it’s possible for you to actually be ‘real friends’ with your congregants. There are some exceptions, but very few.”
- The Goal is Community: The ultimate goal is spiritual discipline and community. If a church group isn’t the right fit, that support can be found in alternatives like clergy groups, recovery groups, or even a group at a different church.
Deep Dive: Requiring Staff to Join a Group?
Forcing staff participation is a complex strategy with clear pros and cons.
- The Risks: A mandate can breed a bad attitude. If someone feels forced, it “is going to shut down some of that floodgate to transformation”. It can also create practical HR issues, like requiring overtime pay for hourly employees.
- The Rewards: It models the commitment you ask of your congregation. It also might lead to unexpected growth. As Phyllis shared about her own experience, on the drive home she would often realize, “Man, I’m so glad we went.”
Broccoli and Steak: Small Groups vs. Worship
What if someone prefers small groups over the Sunday service? Mike Crain offers a helpful analogy.
- The Spiritual Diet: “I like eating proteins a lot more than I like eating vegetables”. Like a diet, our spiritual lives need both things we might prefer (steak) and things we know are good for us (broccoli) to be healthy.
- The Takeaway: Both corporate worship and intimate community are essential. A church’s job is to articulate a compelling vision for why both are important for transformation.
Actionable Leadership Strategies
A nuanced, caring approach is more effective than a blanket policy.
- Lead Through Supervision: Instead of a rule, use regular, caring check-ins to ask, “What are the ways you’re plugged into community?” and “What are the things you’re doing for your own discipleship?”.
- Individualize Your Approach: Tailor expectations to each staffer’s personality. Framing participation as a “job” may help one person with boundaries, while for another it would feel forced.
- Set Clear Team Guidelines: Avoid awkward power dynamics by having a simple rule: “two staff people shouldn’t be in the same… small group together”. This prevents the natural deference that can silence people when a boss is in the room.
- Give Staff “Room to Be Grumpy”: Don’t frame participation as a job. This allows for authenticity. As Mike says, “Part of what I love is there’s room to be grumpy. I can come in and not have to fake… If I felt like it was a job piece, I don’t think I’d feel that freedom.”
Marketer’s Corner: Promoting What You Don’t Do
If you promote small groups but aren’t in one, the key is to separate philosophy from logistics. Mike’s advice: “Go find people that love this ministry and get them to say this is how we should promote it… and then you just handle logistics and execution.” Let passionate members provide the “why” while you handle the “how.”