The Best Gift You Can Give Your Team This Christmas
Full Show Notes
The Holiday Paradox
- Yes, it’s the busiest time of year
- But you actually get unexpected breathing room
- People assume you’re swamped and postpone meetings
- “This is important, but it’s not critical” (Rob on Christmas Eve services)
- Christmas Eve crowds don’t convert to regular attenders as much as you hope
- Use cultural permission to postpone non-urgent meetings until January
Just Be You
- You’re fine the other 11 months—don’t change now
- The people you serve need authenticity, not performance
- Some people are thriving, others are surviving
- A diverse staff response serves everyone better than forced uniformity
- Being around joyful colleagues can nurture you without requiring you to fake it
Supporting People Through Difficult Christmases
THE REALITY: Not everyone is experiencing “the most wonderful time of the year.” Some are grieving, struggling, barely holding on.
Know Your People’s Stories
✅ DO THIS NOW:
- Is this someone’s first Christmas without a spouse or parent?
- Are they navigating family conflict or loss?
- What major life changes have they experienced this year?
- Know their stories so you can serve them well
Ask Questions That Create Space for Truth
❌ WEAK: “How are you doing?” (invites automatic “fine”)
✅ STRONG: “I was thinking this is your first Christmas without [person]. I’m wondering how you’re doing.”
💡 THE TECHNIQUE: Name the difficulty directly to give permission for honesty
Actually Listen (Don’t Just Wait to Respond)
THE CONTEXT: When people share hard things—grief, struggle, pain—they need presence, not platitudes.
STOP:
- Planning your brilliant pastoral response while they talk
- Crafting the perfect Hallmark-sounding comeback
- Jumping in with “wisdom” the second they pause
START:
- Shutting up and really listening
- Letting silence sit after they finish
- Taking a pause to collect your thoughts
- Sometimes saying nothing at all
💡 ROB’S INSIGHT: For extroverts especially, this is hard work. But presence matters far more than your perfectly crafted response.
Ask What Your Team Needs
Instead of: “Status update on the Christmas program?”
Try this: “Tell me what you need right now. What can I do to help you succeed?”
💡 THE RESULT: Often people just need to vent. They’ll conclude with “I’ve got it, thanks for asking”—but the asking communicates care.
Self-Care for Leaders During the Season
Find Your Truth-Teller
✅ DO THIS NOW:
- Identify one trusted person (spouse, friend, coworker)
- Ask directly: “How does it seem like I’m doing?”
- Actually listen to their answer
- You’re “on” so much you can’t always self-assess accurately
Lock Down Your Grounding Practices
⚠️ THE WARNING: The spiritual practices and rituals that keep you centered disappear first when schedules tighten. Then you feel untethered and joyless.
✅ DO THIS NOW:
- List your 3-5 grounding practices
- Mark which are non-negotiable this season
- Put them on your calendar like appointments
- Examples: morning prayer, family traditions, weekly sabbath, exercise routine
Use Personal Gratitude as Counterbalance
Heather’s practice after sitting with struggling people:
- Find a quiet moment alone
- Count your blessings privately before God
- NOT: “What are you thankful for?” (toxic positivity to hurting people)
- YES: “I’m grateful for…” (personal spiritual practice)
💡 THE INSIGHT: Gratitude expands your capacity rather than diminishing the pain you’ve witnessed
Planning & Execution Strategies
Plan Everything Early
✅ DO THIS BEFORE THANKSGIVING:
- Schedule all family Christmas activities
- Buy gifts now (December 23rd has zero advantages)
- Block personal calendar time
- Plan major church events
💡 BONUS: Enjoy the free Tuesday when a meeting gets cancelled
Attack the Overwhelming Project
Rob’s process for that thing hanging over your head:
- Brain dump: List everything needed
- Prioritize: Circle only top priorities
- Filter: What ONLY you can do? (Be ruthless—not what you prefer, what only you can do)
- Delegate: Put names by everything else (don’t eliminate people because “they’re busy”)
- Trade: Swap tasks with colleagues (often feels like a gift to both)
Stay on Task (But Be Realistic)
DON’T:
- Shut down all organizational progress November-December
- Use holidays as perpetual excuse (“Can’t meet in November—too busy. December—you know. January—bad weather. Easter…”)
- End up only functioning 3 months per year
DO:
- Scale milestones appropriately for the season
- Keep moving forward on key goals
- Plan for reduced capacity, not zero capacity
Leading Your Team Well
Give Your Team Permission
- To be themselves (not match your energy level)
- To celebrate differently
- To experience the season authentically
- To have full range of emotions
Avoid “Keeping Up with the Joneses”
❌ THE TRAP: Trying to outdo the church down the street with bigger productions
✅ THE ANTIDOTE:
- Stay grounded in YOUR vision and mission
- Set realistic goals (not too ambitious, not too minimal)
- Be the church you’re called to be
- Skip the Instagram competition
Christmas Parties: Yes or No?
HEATHER’S APPROACH: Never in December—always January
ROB’S RULE: Only if it feels like appreciation, not obligation
KEEP IF:
- Simple and fun (Buffalo Wild Wings lunch)
- Genuinely celebratory
- Staff actually want to hang out
SKIP IF:
- Feels like mandatory work
- Includes “team dynamics training”
- Just one more thing on the calendar
CONSIDER: “Epiphany party” in January—kick it wild like the wise men
Key Perspective Shifts
What Christmas Eve Is (and Isn’t)
✅ Important opportunity to welcome people
❌ Your one shot to save the year
❌ Make-or-break moment for your ministry
📊 Reality: Conversion rate to regular attenders is lower than you hope
What Your Job Is (and Isn’t)
✅ Be authentic
✅ Serve your people well
✅ Accept Christ’s peace for yourself
❌ Manufacture peace for everyone else
❌ Perform a different version of yourself
❌ Fix everyone’s holiday stress
The Christmas Wishes
Rob’s wish for every leader:
👉 Feel genuinely appreciated (lack of appreciation kills ministry spirit more than workload does)
Heather’s wish for every leader:
👉 Experience the peace of Christ (it doesn’t depend on your performance, and it’s not your job to create it for others—just receive it)
Bottom Line
You’ve navigated Christmases before. You know what works. Don’t abandon your leadership style for one season. Maintain authenticity, protect key practices, plan ahead, know your people’s stories, and receive the peace Jesus offers.
The season is complex—joy and grief coexist. Your presence matters more than your performance.